The Alienation of Gifted Families by Our Public Schools: How to Work the System

Public schools are underserving and miseducating our gifted learners, and they have for decades. This failure continues despite what research has shown us as well as the ever-increasing push from gifted advocates. Gifted advocacy is critical to improving the educational, social, and emotional lives of our gifted children, and we need to all speak up to move this mountain of miseducation.

In the midst of my family’s own battle with our gifted son’s public school, trying to get his school to recognize his needs as a twice-exceptional learner and provide the appropriate education he needed, I passionately dove into gifted advocacy to do my part to curb the increasing failure of our public schools to understand and adequately educate our gifted learners.

A tearful, sleepless night and my increasing frustration with the ‘school’s refusal to understand our gifted ‘son’s unique learning needs led me to create a Facebook page for parents of gifted children. I intended to organize a local group of parents of gifted children for support and to join forces to advocate for all gifted children. The organization of this group of gifted parents directly led to the establishment of a regional parent-led gifted advocacy group connected with our ‘state’s gifted association. Our first meeting was standing-room-only, full of dissatisfied, but motivated parents like me. I was humbly inspired, and my advocacy goal bolstered by the number of attendees and their voiced concerns about their gifted children. From the moment I walked up to the podium to welcome everyone and state the most crucial mission parents of gifted children have, I became a lifelong passionate advocate for all gifted children.

Keeping my finger on the pulse of what is happening in the world of gifted learners is paramount to me. Over and over, I have heard about the struggle parents of gifted learners have trying to get their ‘child’s school to understand, acknowledge, and teach to their ‘child’s needs as a gifted learner. Parent after parent, on blogs, in opinion pieces published in national publications, on social media, in person, within advocacy group meetings—all of these told the same tale: our public schools are neglecting our gifted learners and alienating parents by refusing to understand and acknowledge the unique educational, social, and emotional needs of our gifted children. Our parents were fighting an uphill battle to secure the necessary education their gifted child required.

The miseducation of our gifted children is a monumental problem across the U. S. and in most of the world. And it is demonstrated by the backlash from parents and professionals within the gifted community. Blogs and websites from disgruntled parents; articles authored by world and national gifted organizations; the growing number of gifted advocacy groups; and the exploding number of gifted students turning to homeschooling—all of these reveal the dissatisfaction with the education gifted children are receiving in our public schools. But this problem is, of course, complex.

My next two posts will each be discussing one of two key factors responsible for the alienation of the families of our gifted learners by our public schools. This first post will discuss the strained relationship between parents and schools.

Part One: Working the System with Honey

The following is a quote from a recent, lengthy forum thread posted on a parent advocacy group website. It explains to parents how to work with your gifted child’s school to get the required education their child needs.

As many people pointed here on the forum, we need to go thru the correct channels (subject teacher, gifted specialist, principal, and so on….) and request for correct procedure/testing… All this using correct language. And it ‘doesn’t end here… Make sure you come out with correct plans for your child at the end of the meeting. I have experienced that just asking the teacher or principal for more challenging work or enrichment for your child is not enough, ask for specific differentiation, subject or grade acceleration ”formally”. Fill out the forms (if any) or requests and send them to specific people as mentioned in the ”Acceleration ‘Procedure’ document. Provide all the material and test scores that you think are important to earn the acceleration for your child. Remember, if you are new to the system, you ‘won’t have teachers who can support your claim. Follow up respectfully and diligently, because everyone is busy and have ”other” more important priorities. Keep asking for replies and meetings to discuss further. Ask for specific dates and follow up on those dates. To earn something, you always need to work hard for it! That is the truth.

Whoa! Back up the train! Must parents of gifted children have to work to earn the education their gifted child requires to thrive in school?

After reading this advice on how to work the system, I became angry and saddened. That a parent of a gifted child believes they must circumspectly work the school system and respect the system’s chain of command not to risk losing the education their gifted child requires was disheartening.

The following response was by a gifted teacher who was also posting on this thread:

Sue, if you have spoken with the GT (gifted and talented) specialist and the classroom teacher about accelerating your child and they aren’t following the acceleration plan, I would suggest scheduling a conference with all of the stakeholders and bring a copy of it (acceleration plan) with you. Like I’ve stated before, make sure you coat your comments with ”honey,” but make sure they understand that you want what’s best for your child and expect the proper method of acceleration to be followed. You might even discover that more has been attempted than you realize. Of course, you might not, but there’s always hope!

Hope.

Hope that your gifted child will receive the education they must have to flourish and succeed in school.

Make sure you coat your comments with honey.

Honey.

Hope and honey.

Of course, as parents, we need to be considerate and kind in all of our social interactions and communications. But, as parents of gifted learners, should we resign ourselves to sugar-coating our words or else the school will deny our gifted children the only education which meets their needs? If no, then as parents of gifted children, must we surrender  to watching our gifted children languish in the regular classroom, learning skills and information they have already mastered, and losing their love for learning?

Another post from a parent of a twice-exceptional (2e) learner demonstrates the battle we face:

Yesterday and today were overwhelming (in good ways)… so much relief! We’ve spent the last year advocating for our 2e daughter at school and now have a great plan in place, and an excellent support team. 

Should any child wait a year to receive the education they need? Is this what we as parents of gifted children expect and accept from our public school system—not being challenged or learning anything new for a year?

We all know that funding is always an issue for gifted programs in public schools as these programs are the first to get cut when budgets need trimming. However, some educational strategies, such as subject acceleration, grade acceleration, and individualizing within the classroom, do not always require extra funding. Why do parents of gifted children need hope and use honey to delicately prod schools to provide these to their gifted learners?

The topic of how to work the system in the examples above are not unique–not at all. I see, hear, talk, and read about this very issue every day. I hear from parents who complain they can’t get their school systems to provide the appropriate education for their gifted child. I talk to parents who are asking each other for advice on how to optimally work the system to ensure their gifted child receives the education they need. I commiserate with parents who complain they are tired of having to fight the school system for an education their child must have to succeed in school.

The result: gifted families are turning to homeschooling, alternative schools, micro-schools, and private schools in droves. Educational statistics and other evidence show that gifted learners are the single, fastest-growing student population turning to homeschooling, micro-schools, and alternative schools.

How do you feel about having to delicately and sweetly work the chain of command with the school system? What about conferencing with your gifted ‘child’s school using sugar-coated words to make sure your child receives the education he needs?

Want to know what I think about having to work the school system with sugar-coated words, honey, and hope?

Here’s my post on the lengthy forum thread advising parents how to work the school system with honey, hoping their sweetness moved the mountain for their gifted child:

We need to all work together to try to overcome all the various issues. The one unfortunate fact that remains is that there are a record number of parents who are tired of having to ‘nicely’ work the chain of command in the school system and are still unable to get the challenging education their gifted child needs; these parents are, in growing numbers, turning to homeschooling and private schools with successful results. We need to work together to make changes, and changes can happen. But if parents have to continue to work, earn, use gentle reminders, sugar-coated words, and honey to get the education their gifted child needs and deserves, our public schools will soon be the last place to find gifted students.

Advocacy is essential to help improve the educational, social, and emotional lives of our gifted children, especially in traditional schools. We all need to speak up and advocate so that we can reverse the alienation of our gifted families by our public schools.  If public schools don’t change and begin educating our gifted children appropriately, then public schools will soon be the last place to find gifted students.

RELATED POST:

Part Two: Myths and Misunderstanding: Teachers Who Don’t Get Gifted

19 Comments on “The Alienation of Gifted Families by Our Public Schools: How to Work the System

  1. Pingback: Myths and Misunderstandings: Teachers Who Don’t Get Gifted! | Crushing Tall Poppies

  2. Pingback: Gifted Relationships. The Silver Lining in the Gifted Storm | Crushing Tall Poppies

  3. Pingback: Myths and Misunderstanding: Teachers Who Don’t. Get. Gifted! | Crushing Tall Poppies

  4. Pingback: My Recommendations for an Effective SFUSD GATE RedesignSF Public School Mom

  5. My son is a highly gifted 2E student in a private school. It’s not a private gifted school, though, and in many ways it operates like a public school in terms of how quickly it addresses students like my son. Over the years, because he is 2E — though we JUST managed to get that designation through testing this year after several years — only a handful of educators, those who understand gifted kids, even recognized his abilities. He’s otherwise been viewed as a good student (straight As) who is methodical (i.e. not as fast as they expect gifted kids to be) in his approach to his work. The opportunities to elevate his experience has been fairly non-existent, but we have been able to get accommodations for the other side of 2E.

    If he was given the opportunity to take on more challenging work, most teachers could see how far my son can take things. But how often is a teacher going to make a change for someone who seems to be doing “just fine” in their opinion? He has straight As after all. The only challenges he has faced are being a slower, less-interested reader and sitting through tedious math homework. Otherwise, he gets his work done and spends a lot of his time thinking about his Minecraft projects and how that jet pack he’s been designing in his head might be more eco-friendly.

    My son is in a weekend gifted program, and it’s there that learning really becomes something for him. We are thankful to have that. It helps keep everyone going while we trudge through finding a better fit for him in his “regular” school. Our revised IEP meeting is next month, and we have a social worker who seems very interested in addressing both sides of the 2E. As a parent, I am ALWAYS looking for the angles, always keeping on keeping on. When I find someone on the school side who seems to understand that gifted isn’t just about how quickly kids do their work, I think that this time we might actually get that door open more than a crack.

    It’s our educational system’s collective unfortunate choice that gifted kids aren’t found ways to fulfill their potential. As a parent, it won’t be mine, even if I can’t get our school totally on board.

    • Traci, yours is the same story as so many others. After reading your story, I began to wonder, how many high school football coaches would allow a gifted quarterback to languish while he tended to less-able football players. Or how many theatrically gifted teens would be given lesser parts in the school play so that the less-skilled actors could gain more experience taking on the lead roles in the play? In school, a child’s strengths and gifts in music and athletics are used and often celebrated, but not when it comes to intellectual giftedness.

      You are right, “it’s our educational system’s choice” not to fulfill the potential of gifted children. It’s a sad state of affairs. Advocacy is needed desperately–many loud, consistent voices!

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Traci!

  6. Schools and teachers could do a better job with our gifted students if we weren’t being punished constantly for not meeting political expectations with struggling learners – that is where the money and the resources are focused because if we don’t force struggling learners to succeed to a prescribed level, we get punished by your legislators. Just sayin’.

    • I absolutely know that–I was a public school teacher also. And although the entire educational system is not working for nearly all students and teachers, there are uncaring teachers just like there are pushy parents. I’ve been on both sides, so I do understand. The problem is bigger than teachers and parents. We all need to work together to try to bring about changes because it will be more than just the high-achievers and gifted children suffering. It gave me hope seeing the many voices on Twitter participating in the #whatif @arneduncan Twitter Storm recently!

      Carrie, thanks for hanging in there in the classroom and for leaving your thoughts here!

  7. I actually think that public schools really don’t want gifted kids and are relieved when they go away. They just don’t fit the purpose of public education, i.e. ensuring acquisition of skills (standards) based on chronological age. Countries that focus primarily on standards in the education of their children will never deal well with kids whose cognitive function exceeds the norm. Unfortunately, this focus will eventually lead to economic decline because the country no longer has a sufficient population of innovators. Sad . . .

    • Mari, it sure seems that way, doesn’t it? That schools don’t really want our gifted kids? I do know that schools do a better job at serving high-achieving students, whether they are gifted or not. The miseducation of our gifted kids hurts them and all of us.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Mari!

  8. Depending on the level of giftedness, in the year–or 2 or 3–required to get an appropriate education, your child can be badly damaged if the school or teacher resents gifted children.

  9. I am interested in your facebook group. I am not in Alabama, but I am only 45 minutes from the Alabama line in Tennessee. I cannot find advocacy and am stressed to the max with my oldest daughter’s public education. I would LOVE to connect with other parents, but wasn’t sure the name of the group.

  10. I am always saying that homeschooling my three kids is way less work and way less stressful then sending them to school. I know that no one believes me…unless they had gifted kids in a school system 😉 I would love to know where the information about gifted learners being the single fastest growing population turning to homeschooling – that is fabulous and I am always looking for good information to pass along to those who are (constantly) questioning our decision to homeschool.

  11. Many parents feel the same way you do – “it’s just not worth it!” Homeschooling is such an excellent alternative to regular school and it allows gifted kids to receive all of the differentiation, acceleration and fast-paced learning they need without the stress of having to jump through hoops!

  12. I was a reluctant homeschooler, but now that I am doing it, I cannot imagine going through the fight to get her back into school.

    Just thinking about all the drama I will have to endure just to get my child a basically adequate education exhausts me. We will be moving to a new state soon, so last night I was reading up on the new local school gifted program. The hoops and regulations to jump through to get into the good schools, and the gifted program (They only test 2 weeks out of the year!!) is so tired. WHY. WHY should we have to struggle to get our kids an education. My child would be entering school 2-3 grade levels above her peers, and I would expect a year long fight to get her a mostly inadequate acceleration and education plan. Blah. Not worth it. (not to mention that each year the teachers change, and you have to retrain them….)

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