Crushing Tall PoppiesOur Tall Poppies
Have you heard the term Tall Poppy Syndrome? Generally, a tall poppy is a person who stands head and shoulders above others for various reasons such as intelligence, beauty or athleticism. Tall Poppy Syndrome is, in very simple terms, the act of cutting down tall poppies out of envy or the need for egalitarianism.
See: Tall Poppy Syndrome
Tall Poppy Syndrome can relate to many social situations, but my own Tall Poppy is a highly gifted child who has been “cut down” by friends, adults and unfortunately by teachers, too. These situations involve bullying, neglect, isolation, hostility, denial, envy, public humiliation, and ignorance.
As any parent, we envision our children growing up to be happy, confident and successful. We love to see them shine from time to time which gives them a healthy dose of confidence and motivation. The Tall Poppy who is mine was born intellectually gifted, and through no influence from me, stood head and shoulders above his same-age peers in the classroom, which was unfortunate.
My poppy is advanced intellectually which makes him taller than his peers in the field that is his classroom. On the soccer field, in art class, in the school play, or in social circles, he is not always “taller”; in these situations he is often shorter. The unfortunate part for my poppy is society’s discomfort with celebrating his intellectualism.
We are comfortable with displaying car decals sharing our pride for our outstanding cheerleader, or posting on our Facebook page a picture of our child with the first place trophy for the state soccer tournament. Ummm, let me post a prideful picture of my sweet gifted child with his new patent-pending invention. Uncomfortable? Disgusted? Distasteful? Boastful? All the above? Go on, admit it, you cringed! Even I cringed, my stomach getting a little nauseous as I just revealed a true, proud moment–a proud moment that I shouldn’t share for fear of society’s disapproval.
So, my family celebrates those triumphs in private. That is okay because his self-esteem and sense of self-worth should not come from society’s approval of him, but from within himself. The crush comes when gifted children are cut down by peers and teachers– for just being themselves. Yes, gifted children are often the victims of bullying, of envy and they are often the recipients of hateful actions. Gifted children quickly learn that they need to dumb down to not appear taller in order to protect themselves from being cut down, from being crushed.
Welcome to Crushing Tall Poppies where I chronicle my life with my gifted children and passionately advocate for all gifted children.
Thank you for your insights.
In schools, and talking about good schools, they are not aware of this behaviour. Usually “poppies cutters” are good boys/girls who present themselves with impecable manners in front of teachers and other parents. However, when the occasion requires, i.e. their status is threaten by another kid they can make the cruelest comments to make sure they keep the “poppy” confidence at bay. This is extremely difficult for parents to talk about with the teachers who always believe a good kid would never be able to make such a comment. It is really heartbreaking to hear your child to say “don’t worry mum, I just have four years to go.”
I had people that I thought were friends at school do this to me because they thought I should be below them . I had many ambitions that I gave up for many years and got back into it many years later . I only just began writing again in my thirties . I had old story ideas that I never finished and got back into writing it again . You shouldn’t have to dumb yourself down just for someone else’s comfort .
Hi Cassie!
Yes, no one should have to dumb down to fit in or appease someone else, but sadly, it is common for gifted people.
Good for you for moving past other’s expectations of you and getting back to fulfilling your ambitions of writing. Being all that you were meant to be is the greatest gift you can give yourself and others!
All the best with your writing! ~Celi
Your child is so very very lucky to have a parent that recognises this dynamic. I’m living proof that a gifted person can be so demeaned, cut down and leveled off that I was an adult before I realised I wasn’t actually dumber than others but far more advanced.
Difference from the majority is so stigmatising, it’s often experienced as being fundamentally flawed, no matter the actual reason.
When parents say “they’re just jealous,” ordinarily that’s nonsense UNLESS you’re gifted. I was 27 before I realised that much of the time, it was 100% true.
I’ll say this – I’m glad your gifted child is a boy because it’s a very, very, very hard road ahead for the gifted girl.
Hi Erin,
Your story is all too common and can be so hurtful, in childhood and in adulthood. Many gifted people, well into adulthood, don’t realize they are gifted and can’t understand why they are the constant victims of workplace bullies. Being gifted is not all that it is thought to be and many gifted people wish they weren’t gifted because of the stigmatism, the envy, the misunderstanding, and the unreasonable expectations others have of them. It’s why I advocate. It’s why we should all speak up for ourselves and for all gifted people.
“Our Tall Poppies” was one of the very first articles I wrote and one that was written before anyone but me knew my website existed. That was over eight years ago and many issues with being gifted have not changed because an understanding of giftedness has not changed. And I’m afraid envy, misunderstanding and animosity will always exist.
I hope you are living your best life as the gifted person you are and are meant to be! ~Celi
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Your webpage has brought much comfort and clarity to me during a time where only my husband and our son’s Developmental Pediatrician “get it”. Our parents, our friends and our school offer little to no support. Sometimes it can makes us feel completely alone and utterly misunderstood. Thank you for crushingtallpoppies.com. We are not alone
Hi Melissa,
No, you are not alone, not by a long shot, and there are many of us out there. And more and more of us are speaking out and standing up. Be strong and know that you are your child’s champion, his advocate. You know your child best!
Thanks for your kind words! <3
Celi