The Alienation of Gifted Families by Our Public Schools: How to Work the System

Public schools are underserving and miseducating our gifted learners, and they have for decades. This failure continues despite what research has shown us as well as the ever-increasing push from gifted advocates. Gifted advocacy is critical to improving the educational, social, and emotional lives of our gifted children, and we need to all speak up to move this mountain of miseducation.

In the midst of my family’s own battle with our gifted son’s public school, trying to get his school to recognize his needs as a twice-exceptional learner and provide the appropriate education he needed, I passionately dove into gifted advocacy to do my part to curb the increasing failure of our public schools to understand and adequately educate our gifted learners.

A tearful, sleepless night and my increasing frustration with the ‘school’s refusal to understand our gifted ‘son’s unique learning needs led me to create a Facebook page for parents of gifted children. I intended to organize a local group of parents of gifted children for support and to join forces to advocate for all gifted children. The organization of this group of gifted parents directly led to the establishment of a regional parent-led gifted advocacy group connected with our ‘state’s gifted association. Our first meeting was standing-room-only, full of dissatisfied, but motivated parents like me. I was humbly inspired, and my advocacy goal bolstered by the number of attendees and their voiced concerns about their gifted children. From the moment I walked up to the podium to welcome everyone and state the most crucial mission parents of gifted children have, I became a lifelong passionate advocate for all gifted children.

Keeping my finger on the pulse of what is happening in the world of gifted learners is paramount to me. Over and over, I have heard about the struggle parents of gifted learners have trying to get their ‘child’s school to understand, acknowledge, and teach to their ‘child’s needs as a gifted learner. Parent after parent, on blogs, in opinion pieces published in national publications, on social media, in person, within advocacy group meetings—all of these told the same tale: our public schools are neglecting our gifted learners and alienating parents by refusing to understand and acknowledge the unique educational, social, and emotional needs of our gifted children. Our parents were fighting an uphill battle to secure the necessary education their gifted child required.

The miseducation of our gifted children is a monumental problem across the U. S. and in most of the world. And it is demonstrated by the backlash from parents and professionals within the gifted community. Blogs and websites from disgruntled parents; articles authored by world and national gifted organizations; the growing number of gifted advocacy groups; and the exploding number of gifted students turning to homeschooling—all of these reveal the dissatisfaction with the education gifted children are receiving in our public schools. But this problem is, of course, complex.

My next two posts will each be discussing one of two key factors responsible for the alienation of the families of our gifted learners by our public schools. This first post will discuss the strained relationship between parents and schools.

Part One: Working the System with Honey

The following is a quote from a recent, lengthy forum thread posted on a parent advocacy group website. It explains to parents how to work with your gifted child’s school to get the required education their child needs.

As many people pointed here on the forum, we need to go thru the correct channels (subject teacher, gifted specialist, principal, and so on….) and request for correct procedure/testing… All this using correct language. And it ‘doesn’t end here… Make sure you come out with correct plans for your child at the end of the meeting. I have experienced that just asking the teacher or principal for more challenging work or enrichment for your child is not enough, ask for specific differentiation, subject or grade acceleration ”formally”. Fill out the forms (if any) or requests and send them to specific people as mentioned in the ”Acceleration ‘Procedure’ document. Provide all the material and test scores that you think are important to earn the acceleration for your child. Remember, if you are new to the system, you ‘won’t have teachers who can support your claim. Follow up respectfully and diligently, because everyone is busy and have ”other” more important priorities. Keep asking for replies and meetings to discuss further. Ask for specific dates and follow up on those dates. To earn something, you always need to work hard for it! That is the truth.

Whoa! Back up the train! Must parents of gifted children have to work to earn the education their gifted child requires to thrive in school?

After reading this advice on how to work the system, I became angry and saddened. That a parent of a gifted child believes they must circumspectly work the school system and respect the system’s chain of command not to risk losing the education their gifted child requires was disheartening.

The following response was by a gifted teacher who was also posting on this thread:

Sue, if you have spoken with the GT (gifted and talented) specialist and the classroom teacher about accelerating your child and they aren’t following the acceleration plan, I would suggest scheduling a conference with all of the stakeholders and bring a copy of it (acceleration plan) with you. Like I’ve stated before, make sure you coat your comments with ”honey,” but make sure they understand that you want what’s best for your child and expect the proper method of acceleration to be followed. You might even discover that more has been attempted than you realize. Of course, you might not, but there’s always hope!

Hope.

Hope that your gifted child will receive the education they must have to flourish and succeed in school.

Make sure you coat your comments with honey.

Honey.

Hope and honey.

Of course, as parents, we need to be considerate and kind in all of our social interactions and communications. But, as parents of gifted learners, should we resign ourselves to sugar-coating our words or else the school will deny our gifted children the only education which meets their needs? If no, then as parents of gifted children, must we surrender  to watching our gifted children languish in the regular classroom, learning skills and information they have already mastered, and losing their love for learning?

Another post from a parent of a twice-exceptional (2e) learner demonstrates the battle we face:

Yesterday and today were overwhelming (in good ways)… so much relief! We’ve spent the last year advocating for our 2e daughter at school and now have a great plan in place, and an excellent support team. 

Should any child wait a year to receive the education they need? Is this what we as parents of gifted children expect and accept from our public school system—not being challenged or learning anything new for a year?

We all know that funding is always an issue for gifted programs in public schools as these programs are the first to get cut when budgets need trimming. However, some educational strategies, such as subject acceleration, grade acceleration, and individualizing within the classroom, do not always require extra funding. Why do parents of gifted children need hope and use honey to delicately prod schools to provide these to their gifted learners?

The topic of how to work the system in the examples above are not unique–not at all. I see, hear, talk, and read about this very issue every day. I hear from parents who complain they can’t get their school systems to provide the appropriate education for their gifted child. I talk to parents who are asking each other for advice on how to optimally work the system to ensure their gifted child receives the education they need. I commiserate with parents who complain they are tired of having to fight the school system for an education their child must have to succeed in school.

The result: gifted families are turning to homeschooling, alternative schools, micro-schools, and private schools in droves. Educational statistics and other evidence show that gifted learners are the single, fastest-growing student population turning to homeschooling, micro-schools, and alternative schools.

How do you feel about having to delicately and sweetly work the chain of command with the school system? What about conferencing with your gifted ‘child’s school using sugar-coated words to make sure your child receives the education he needs?

Want to know what I think about having to work the school system with sugar-coated words, honey, and hope?

Here’s my post on the lengthy forum thread advising parents how to work the school system with honey, hoping their sweetness moved the mountain for their gifted child:

We need to all work together to try to overcome all the various issues. The one unfortunate fact that remains is that there are a record number of parents who are tired of having to ‘nicely’ work the chain of command in the school system and are still unable to get the challenging education their gifted child needs; these parents are, in growing numbers, turning to homeschooling and private schools with successful results. We need to work together to make changes, and changes can happen. But if parents have to continue to work, earn, use gentle reminders, sugar-coated words, and honey to get the education their gifted child needs and deserves, our public schools will soon be the last place to find gifted students.

Advocacy is essential to help improve the educational, social, and emotional lives of our gifted children, especially in traditional schools. We all need to speak up and advocate so that we can reverse the alienation of our gifted families by our public schools.  If public schools don’t change and begin educating our gifted children appropriately, then public schools will soon be the last place to find gifted students.