Crushing Tall PoppiesAre Gifted People Arrogant?
Unfortunately, too many intellectually gifted individuals have been criticized for being arrogant. Using one’s intelligence to the point that those around him feel inferior or less-than is often considered an act of arrogance. And it also assumes the gifted individual intentionally wanted to make those around him feel inferior. Yet, businesses desire, recruit and hire intelligent, high-performing employees over less-able workers. Quite a dilemma.
When this same scenario happens to gifted children in the classroom—when they are teased in school for their high scores— they are often referred to as nerds or show-offs although schools strive for children to be high-achieving students with high test scores. Quite a hypocrisy.
It is like we are saying, “Do your best, but do not do your best if it makes someone else feel less-than.” Or, “Be all you can be, reach your full potential, but keep it on the down-low so those around you don’t complain or call you names or shun you.”
Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.
Are gifted individuals really arrogant? Do gifted children really show-off their intelligence?
These are two questions I’ve given a great deal of thought to. When I take into consideration all of the gifted people I know—family, friends, students I’ve taught—I don’t see the arrogance or the intent to show-off. I only see an individual thinking, working and operating on his own intellectual level, a level which is his normal.
Let me explain.
A child is intellectually gifted because he was born with a talented brain that develops, learns and operates at advanced levels of intelligence and reasoning well beyond his chronological age. This is much like a child who was born with a gifted voice who can belt out a complex song, one that we would only see adults perform. Or it is similar to a basketball phenom who begins his professional basketball career right out of high school. In all three cases, when one of these gifted individuals uses their talent, their inborn giftedness, whether it be thinking, singing or playing basketball, they are all three operating at their own level of ability, a level that is normal for them, but higher than the rest of us.
Personally, I can’t even dribble a basketball, and I can’t sing worth a solfeggio! I’m fine with that.
Yet, when a basketball prodigy plays basketball, does society scramble to voice their distaste for his public display of showing off his ability? Nope, not likely.
When we all rush to download the trending song from the unbelievably talented voice of a 9 year old, do we hear a mass of objections saying this child is just showing off and that she is just being arrogant to think she can sing so well? Not at all.
When a brilliant businessman develops an unbelievably creative solution which is the perfect answer to a complex problem which was crippling his company, do his co-workers envy his creative skills and spurn him, or does his boss feel threatened by his extraordinary ability to problem-solve and then tries to undermine his employee’s success? Yup, this happens all the time.
It’s called workplace bullying and gifted individuals are proven to be the most likely victims of this type of bullying.
When a gifted child with a reading level several grade levels ahead of her age-mates reads chapter books while her classmates are only reading easy-reader picture books, is she thought to be showing off? Often times, she is.
And then her classmates tease her for her advanced reading skills, and parents of her classmates complain because their own children feel bad in comparison to the gifted child.
What is at the heart of these dichotomies, these double-standards? Why are we fine when others excel beyond our own capabilities in music, art or athletics? Why are we not envious or resentful enough to cry out that this is elitism, or request that the person excelling suppress herself because she is making the rest of us feel bad about ourselves?
The answer may be anti-intellectualism. Many believe our society strongly adheres to anti-intellectualism, and some people are simply envious and then act on their envy.
The truth is, gifted individuals think and operate on their own advanced-level of cognitive ability which is perfectly normal for them. In order to be purposely arrogant, or to intentionally show off, intellectually gifted people would need to know or be aware of the intelligence and ability levels of those around him—they would need to know that the people around them have less ability or intelligence than they do. Once they surmise the levels and deem them lower than their own, only then could they show off or act arrogantly. For someone to show off or be purposely arrogant, there has to be lower-ability people around him who then feel less-than and then complain. I get that, but…
Would we then ask a gifted 1st grader to first judge the intellectual levels of his classmates, and then dumb down his own intellectual ability so he won’t hurt his classmates feelings, or risk being called a show-off? Would we expect a gifted businessman to underperform and hold back on much-needed creative solutions so that his less-capable boss doesn’t feel threatened, or to prevent his co-workers from criticizing him for being arrogant?
Sure.
Just as soon as we expect that basketball phenom to purposely miss some slam dunks so the rest of his teammates do not feel ashamed, and then we also ask the gifted young vocalist to sing off key once in awhile so her friends don’t feel bad about themselves.
What do you think?
I think part of the problem is the way we look at intellect (which may have already been touched on, sorry). We have this connotation that intelligence is unequivocally good, and tied to worth. Or your value as a human being. And it’s intrinsic, so saying that someone is smarter than you in a way you’ll never be able to match or mimic is almost to say that they’re worth more inherently and always will be. They’re more likely to succeed, better people, valuable to society. And while I knew this in a technical sense, I never understood it until I imagined what I’d be without my intellect. This was back in a very insecure phase of life where I’d tied intelligence to my worth (as is wont to happen with us). And I realized I felt scared and small and useless without it.
So that shame, flawed and incorrect as it is, gets reflected and shoved in everybody’s faces because we live in a society that teaches, early on, that you are more loved, more praised, “better” the smarter you are. And that shame gets fed with every year you move through a competitive school system that pits you against your fellow students. So then you see someone “better” than you, and the urge is to tear them down so you don’t feel dumb in comparison. Because then you feel useless and this already hellish school experience gets that much worse. And while this isn’t a revolutionary conclusion (I’m sure we’re all aware of the roots of jealousy, envy, etc.) it did reveal for me a fundamental flaw in the school system that I never noticed. Every kid is judged on how well they learn and how smart they are, with little variation to interest, learning style, or attention to the individual child at all. Because if it really was child-centric, then how “smart” you are wouldn’t matter. What you want to do with your mind would be what’s really important. Because intellect should be like sports prowess or having an extra cone in your eye. You didn’t do anything special to get these, it’s what you do with it that matters.
(geez that last part was corny -_-)
You absolutely hit the nail on the head! Your explanation about the perception of intellect is spot on.
As a former public school teacher, I couldn’t agree more with your statement about our educational system, “Every kid is judged on how well they learn and how smart they are, with little variation to interest, learning style, or attention to the individual child at all. Because if it really was child-centric, then how “smart” you are wouldn’t matter.” I truly believe that all children would develop healthy self-esteem or not have their self-esteem crushed in school if grades were not used at the elementary school level.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about intellect and how we perceive it. ~Celi
Inredibly late reply, but honestly. I’m going to speak from the perspective of one that has been the anti-inellectual. For one, I am 13, at the PEAK of my unstable “phase”. I may go into quite the story here, but I guess tis’ worth the try. I’ve been a classmate of a gifted child since kindergarten, and everyday felt like a competition with him. He’s the pinnacle of the stereotype: quite a cold, distant, and “nerdy” guy. Throughout these last 8 years I’ve known him, I’ve only felt extreme envy, but sometimes admiration from him. I was the one who wanted to hold him back out of spite. I felt his arrogance was just a way for the universe to shun me despite my hard work to be noticed. I’ve always wished for myself to be gifted,special, or even have smarts at least. I felt inferior and hateful. Reading this article changed my view on my dilemma and problem. I didn’t consider the fact that he simply thinks differently and that this world is also unfair towards him. Even beyond this, I realized I was the problem in hurting him all the time in this manner of teasing. Thank you for opening my eyes about this problem.
Thank YOU for taking the time to read about giftedness and for understanding. I very much admire your maturity, intelligence, and self-reflection–you have nothing to be envious about!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with giftedness!
Good for you! You have now become as wonderful as anyone can possibly be in this world. Empathy, understanding and admiration for what is good and true is the most moral beauty anyone can achieve. You will now soar and no one can ever better you at that. And this at the tender age of 13! Congratulations.
Actually that very thing happened to my 6 year old. He was told he had too many reading stars and it was embarrassing the boys in his first grade class. Then the principal asked if we would consider taking him out for a year to let the others catch up. This was at a very nice private school.
Oh my gosh, that is astounding! A good school asking you to hold your son back from learning for any reason is unacceptable. I’d say it is unbelievable, but holding gifted students back is unfortunately common. It happens in so many ways——telling students who know all the answers to stop raising their hand to give the other students a chance, or giving advanced students mindless, busywork while their classmates catch up, or asking gifted students to tutor their classmates. All hold our gifted kids back.
I’m curious——how did you handle that request?
I’m so sorry this happened.
Ceil, in 2020 this is even more apropos. People really seem to care what sports figures, actors, and other celebrities have to say. Most are remarkable for their stupidity as well as their ability to play sports. Sad.
Yes, Pegi, that is so true! Why can’t we give the same regard to what scientists, experts, and intellectually-advanced people have to say?
Anti-Intellectualism is,or was, a very real, albeit implicit thing.
When I was in school, we still had the Presidential Physical Fitness award, and the annual test to see if we qualified for it, which I never did. But unlike most of my classmates, I never cared if I did or not, and I came to realize over time that this award, and the test, was partially responsible for the anti-intellectualism, at least in the United States.
Until it was abolished in 2013, you always knew when the test was coming up, because the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports would show tv commercials about kids who were “winners”. And often, you’d hear about it in school as the weeks led up to the test. But there was one problem.
Because of how much it was pushed, it created a mindset among the students that the primary purpose of school was to turn everybody into athletes, and that academics were an afterthought. Things weren’t helped any by the fact that from 1955 until the 1980’s, there was no equivalent award for academic achievement.
I knew even in grade school that once I was out in the world, few people would care whether or not I had ever “made Presidential”. But there was no telling this to my classmates, many of whom tried to brainwash me into thinking I was the only person in the world who didn’t “like sports”, and that with their (unwanted) help, they could fix me up. One guy even tried to entice me by having me imagine the look on my father’s face when I showed him my award. He didn’t realize that since I wasn’t from an athletically-minded family, this scenario wasn’t plausible.
Over-stressing Physical Fitness may also have been responsible for the high number of young men who dropped out of high school to join the military. That became such a problem that eventually the military recruiters had to start actually encouraging these men to stay in school. Both the Marines and the Air Force even had recruiting commercials on tv with a “stay in school” theme.
Finally, in the 1980’s, a Presidential Academic Fitness Award was also introduced, but it may have been too little too late. It also never got the publicity the PPFA did. And in contrast, I knew several people who received PPFA’s, but not one who received the Academic Fitness Award, myself included. I only knew about it from one solitary tv commercial. My school never spoke about it, but they sure talked ad nauseum about the PPFA.
I understand that this award has now been replaced by one that also emphasizes nutrition, which might pave the way towards mutual inclusion of athletics and academics. I believe the PPFA was begun with great intentions, but it should always have been accompanied by the Academic Award, and both should have been equally emphasized.
Oh my, I remember the Presidential Physical Fitness Award, and there are no good memories associated with it. I never achieved that award——I think it was the push-ups. I hated when it was that time of year and I begged my mom to stay home. It made me feel terrible about myself despite winning awards in poetry contests, art contests, and academic contests. During my elementary and middle school years, there were lots of contests to make winners and losers out of children.
I have to say when I was in elementary school, academics were pushed as much as anything, but not to the extent of the Presidential Physical Fitness Award! As a former public school teacher, I’ve seen where contests and awards can make or break children. Not all gifted kids excel in school, so even academic awards can hurt our gifted kids.
In the U.S., we definitely seem to worship athleticism over intellectualism. Just look at all the sports events and highly-paid professional athletes. We don’t have the same reverence for our highly-intellectual people. Who attends spelling bees and quiz bowls other than teachers and parents?
How do we reverse anti-intellectualism? How do we shine the light on intelligence so that we can harness it to the advantage of society?
Oh and, thanks a bunch for bringing up the PPFA! Brought back memories of me trying to do push-ups without my friends laughing at me! 😉
Take care, GCB!
Academic Awards in their present form may fall short simply because we try to make them analogous to Physical Fitness awards. This isn’t practical, because they don’t measure analogous quantities. That doesn’t stop people from trying to do so.
Physical fitness awards are all about numbers. If a person can do so many push-ups and sit-ups, and run the mile in a certain amount of time, this is really a measure of their physical stamina.
So too, if we make academic awards all about numbers, i. e. Grades, aren’t we really measuring mental stamina? That’s where things fall short.
In real life, awards are based on individual achievement. Military medals go to those who go above and beyond, often at the risk of their own lives. Pulitzer Prizes go to those who distinguish themselves in writing. And then we have the Nobel Prize. None of those are about numbers.
Even with science fairs, we use the place system to determine winners. Instead, we should be using the same criteria as the Nobel Prize Committee. It’s secretive, but they will reveal that it’s based on a lifetime of work, and it has to be a new idea that takes things in a new direction.
Grades are measuring mental stamina—that is so true.
One of my sons had trouble with spelling in the early grades due to hearing issues and sounding out phonemes. He could certainly memorize his spelling words long enough to make an A on his Friday spelling tests. By Monday, he couldn’t remember how to spell many of the words. Had he been given writing assignments on topics he was interested in, he probably would have naturally learned and remembered the spelling patterns of the English language.
Your perspectives are truly broadening my thinking. Thank you for that!
I think one commonality between your examples is that the “OK to be exceptional” items are all opt-in activities. I’m not good at basketball, which is fine…man look at that other kid play! Same with art, music, and various hobbies. There is little ego in it, except perhaps in instances where you are passionate about being skilled at something and can see how much easier it comes to a teammate, peer, or competitor.
But with intelligence, it is one of the primary resources we use as human beings to traverse the world around us. I am not saying I am inherently better because I’m more intelligent than most because I’m not. But it can be hard for people to not feel threatened by someone that has more tools at their disposal, especially in competitive environments like the workplace. If one general at war has access to a spyglass, and another has satellite imaging, the former is going to feel envious, jealous, and is likely to try and diminish the accomplishments (well yea, but he had an unfair advantage). Because intelligence is an inherent facet of our physiology/psychology, it seems like it’s easier to blame someone of being arrogant rather than acknowledge than in that department, they just happen to be more gifted.
But I’m not trying to argue against anti-intellectualism in western culture. To me it seems like both factors play a role to the very real phenomenon you describe.
Nick,
I agree with you 100%! Art, music, sports–we don’t all try to compete in these, so there is always the hope that if I’m not good at playing piano, I could possibly excel at tennis. Or not participate in any of these activities at all and not be a part of the competition. But, intelligence is one human facet, as you said, we all participate in.
“Because intelligence is an inherent facet of our physiology/psychology, it seems like it’s easier to blame someone of being arrogant rather than acknowledge than in that department, they just happen to be more gifted.” <---you hit the nail on the head here! Thank you for taking the time to leave your thoughts here, Nick!
I used to be teased for years,..when your father is black and your mother isn’t you grow up without an identity…I had to develop skills so advanced at my age, I would bring those thick “Chronicles of Narnia” like books (you know, the 900 page one) into the hood with my things to go to school, and they’d rip me apart. Even in the suburbs I was an outcast because I was so socially awkward and never go out but I would sit and think upon thoughts for hours alone, develop ideas alone, read until the sun went down..before music it was an imaginary friend to accompany me. I could not and still cannot deal with my intelligence and at times I smoke myself out with pot until I cannot think, but instead just emit music. Also, language is easier than breathing to me as well as reading body language, social awareness, adjusting speech according to any situation in terms of ebonics, tone of voice to the inflection of every word, to pinpointing each parts of every word by adding corrections within a millisecond so before I even open my mouth, I may not know exactly what to say, but I know how to say just about anything.
Hi Dante,
So glad you found us! You’ll find you are not alone and there are many gifted people just like you and all of us here. I’ve come to realize that giftedness is not better, and it is not so different (you know, different from what or whom?), it is just our normal, and our normal is good.
Thank you for leaving your thoughts here, Dante!
Wow. I know exactly what [Dante] is describing about being acutely hyper-aware of body language, facial expressions, iris changes, vocal inflections, etc. Yet… it hasn’t seemed to serve me as well as it sounds like it should! Other competing forces that bias my brain toward negative interpretations (those similar life experiences of being repeatedly separated from the pack for nothing more than intelligence), have made my life much more difficult than many would expect, looking from the outside. At 54, I think I am finally coming to grips with the “gift” (deliberate use of air quotes) and now seeking out coping information, and social connections. Great to find this site! Thanks Celi –and to the sharers! I noticed the date of the blog, and hope you are still active in this pursuit.
Your story breaks my heart, truly, because it happens much too often to gifted people. I see that you are seeking out help which is great, and I would also recommend joining this Facebook group for gifted adults. It is an active group with many gifted adults who will likely relate to what you are going through!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/662823753852078/
If you have anymore questions, concerns or need additional resources, please let me know!
Honestly I deal with this and the depression from the bullying. The limitations on my expression of myseld. lm sensitive and idealistic and extremly frustrated.
Tamaryne,
I’m so sorry you have to experience this, and I can certainly empathisize. I’ve seen this in my own family and many others. I know we all have our crosses to bear in life, but ironically our cross is perceived as a trophy.
Please take care of yourself <3
Belatedly, “anti-intellectualism” is the term we use to describe this phenomenon, not an explanation for why it exists. There is still want for an explanation for why this particularly resentment has found so widespread resonation in society.
Specifically, in American / Canadian / British plutocratic society.
Europe and Asia are much better.
The answer that is… Some are, some aren’t. Most people can be sometimes, some people are more often than others.
Do you actually think merit matters much in hiring? In reality, nepotism and connections matter WAY more.
Alina,
That is SO true! It is definitely who you know and not necessarily your job performance!
This was exhilarating! I cannot believe there are people like me. I cannot believe I am not alone. Apologies for the super gushy post, it’s just that it is incredible to realize that you aren’t crazy you know? Like.. perhaps there is for the madness.
As a gifted adult i relate so much. As you said, you’re enthusiastic, they say you’re arrogant. What the hel!! “You think you so smart”. Hmm, i couldn’t actually care less about that!
Yes, Lee, that all sounds so familiar, sorry to say. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Just parenthetically, I realized that I put my last name down. Now EVERYONE will know what an arrogant son-of-a-_____ I am! Oh gosh, what to do now?
Except for one problem with the assumption that I am intentionally arrogant, along with other gifted people: We aren’t. At least not deliberately, as you say. I have learned to hide my light under a bushel, so that people don’t jump down my throat for my “arrogance” and “acting too smart”. But that has come at a terrible cost, to my self-confidence and my ability to believe in myself.
It seems to be one extreme or the other: Dumb down and don’t get harassed, or be oneself and be bullied and criticised for being “too smart, too arrogant for my own good”. So I compromise; I check people’s attitudes and belief-systems pretty carefully, try to get a good “read” on them, so if they are the type who tend towards hatred and jealousy and envy, I know to keep “it” hidden. If, on the other hand, the person comes across as anywhere between fairly intelligent (well above average, even if not “genius” material), all the way up to “real genius”, I don’t hold back, and I end up in some great discussions. Problem is, when I do the latter, I notice that people will listen in if the discussion’s in a restaurant or coffee shop or something, and I am treated to loud sighs and eye-rolling, as though we are “showing off”. You’d think that instead of speaking intelligently, my smart companion and I had both simultaneously let out the world’s smelliest flatulence.
And again, going the other way, I can’t tell you how many times I have been stuck in a conversation full of small-talk and general “stuff” that causes me to RAPIDLY lose interest. I smile and nod, and act like a half-hour discussion of small-talk is the most fascinating thing on the face of the Earth (so as to not hurt the feelings of the other person), but at such a time, I would consider chewing off my leg — like a trapped animal — to get the HECK out of such a BORING conversation. The other problem for me for small talk, is I run out of things to say, and start asking the other person questions about themselves. And sometimes that is no help either, because not everyone is truly and utterly fascinating. Hearing from such people about their childhood spent playing hockey and “picking up chicks” for the 4000th time is less than stimulating, believe me. All in the name of avoiding the charge of arrogance.
I honestly doubt many of the people who lay the charge of “arrogance” actually even understand what the word means. It’s like calling someone a “Nazi” or “Communist” if you are losing a political argument: It’s a meaningless, throwaway word, that is flung with the intention of hurting feelings, and thereby making the attacker feel better about themselves for a few minutes or (if they are really narcissistic), several hours: “Look, I scored a cheap-shot and now the other person is hurt! Yea for me!!!”
In elementary and early high school (Grades 5-9, when I was bullied the worst), it wasn’t “arrogance” as such, that I was charged with. It was far more often a related idea, “acting too smart” or “You think you’re smarter than the rest of us” — to which I once replied, very matter-of-factly to one person, “No, I don’t think I am smarter than you. I KNOW I am smarter than you”; (that earned me a punch in the solar plexus and a kick in the crotch after I fell down). That’s not arrogance; he was a student who was constantly put into remedial programs, and was diagnosed, we later learned by accident, as a “slow learner”; I was a student getting B’s and A’s in everything but math. So it was a true statement, but he called me an “Arrogant Bastard” and went to the teacher and principal, and (none too brilliantly) admitted hitting me first, but complained that I was “too smart”, to which the principal replied, “what do you want me to do, make him less intelligent?”
It’s a combination of factors: jealousy, envy, hatred of intellectualism, a radical notion of egalitarianism (vis-a-vis Harrison Bergeron), a lack of vision or breadth of awareness on the part of (too) many people, and a culture that venerates sports heroes and rock stars over geniuses.
Thanks, Celi, for you comments in the blog. Nice to have someone in MY corner (aside from my parents and wife and a very few friends who know my “secret”) for a change.
Oh gosh, John, your comments are the best–incredibly thought-provoking and so right on the money, BUT I never knew you also had a wonderful sense of humor. Using “You’d think that instead of speaking intelligently, my smart companion and I had both simultaneously let out the world’s smelliest flatulence.” as an example of how people react to intelligent conversations! Priceless! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, John and please keep in tough!
Dear Celi;
Thank YOU for the two compliments. I am just so happy to realize that I am not a freak twice over; the first time for having an extremely high IQ, and the second time for thinking all these problems were mostly unique to me. I work and “play” in the Information Tech industry, especially in the Open Source Software part of the industry (Linux, BSD, Free/Libre Open Source Software). I have met so many brilliant individuals concentrated in one social/technical/professional area, and so many of them are so reluctant to discuss their own brilliance. Now, thanks to you and much of the research I’ve done on my own (enough to fill a 5″ binder), I finally “GET” why they do that, why they are NOT freaks — and neither am I, either for having the IQ or the problems that others foist upon me and people like me. Most especially I want to thank you for your kind words and support, not just to me but to parents of gifted kids (us), but also people who themselves are gifted (again, me and my wife). Thank you! Cheers JJW
No need to thank me. I’m on a mission to try to make sure the gifted do not ever feel less than or face negative reactions to their intelligence. My youngest son did and I’m just doing my part to help others.
Isn’t it odd that people shun,envy and resent intelligence, although we admire artistic talent and athletic ability (just look at all the hype for the Super Bowl today)? We should never feel like freaks and our gifted children should never grow up learning to dumb down. It reminds me of a line in the song “One Love” by Macklemore: “America the brave still fears what we don’t know.” Is it actually fear of intelligent people that causes the negative reactions? That would be a good topic of conversation.
Thanks again, John!
My ex-husband worked in IT for a major corporation. His boss set up a small group of people who were all on the verge of being fired for not accepting the corporate culture. They worked when they felt like it–not 9 to 5. They were not particularly long-suffering when it came to fools. Etc. The boss was in a meeting in which firing these people was discussed. He asked that they all be given to him and he be left alone to supervise them. This was done. Next year, the VERY small group was responsible for 10% of the total worldwide corporate profits. In a conversation with one of the women in the group, she confided that her job was to go to meetings along side my ex and stop him from exploding at customers for their stupidity. Brilliant boss, but a very uncommon situation.
I can’t help but compare your column to Vonnegut’s “Harrison Bergeron,” a story about a society that is finally equal — but in all the wrong ways.
http://www.tnellen.com/cybereng/harrison.html
Yes, Jennine, you are right–“in all the wrong ways.” We love to celebrate our differences, just as long as those differences are equal, not perceived as better or smarter. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
That story has always resounded with me, but as a child I didn’t understand why.
Thank you Faye Lynn <3
This is my life in a nutshell. I still get these kind of eye-rolling reactions when I speak. It’s really stunning that I have grown men behave like brats in front of me. I get told all the time that I’m a “weird dude”, “autistic”, “have ADD” and I need to “tone down the smart”.
In college most of my professors ignored me or openly disrespected me. My one Latin professor told me, “Well, I guess you have some talent” on the final day as she handed me “C” for the semester. This, even though I taught myself all the material and had to wait for everyone else. I even had to help out a struggling student because she thought I was more proficient.
I believe that envy is one of the prime motives of today’s society. Rene Girad, the French sociologist and mythologist, posits that people get their ideas, urges, and wants from others. This copying of desire results in envy towards the different or better. Eventually, this process becomes so intense that it results in scapegoating an innocent victim or a rivalry unto death.
Another example of this is Steve Jobs’ eponymous Walter Isaacson biography. Throughout this work people call him “a narcissist” and “manic-depressive”. Although it seemed to me that like Edison or Ford, he was gifted (possibly 2E) and found it frustrating that people wouldn’t listen to him in a normal tone of voice or readily accept his visions.So he had to be the bully, the slave driver and stickler to get things done. And when he had OE episodes, people thought of it as some kind of breakdown. Either way he incurred the wrath of Apple, who infamously fired him.
I don’t know how you put up with the nonsense. I know I had to develop a thick skin. People say I’m hard to read, but I got tired of being made fun of for crying over stories I read and why people weren’t concerned over some injustice in Africa. Reading this blog over the last month has reminded me of why I stick out and simultaneously bury my head in the sand.
Adam, your story rings true for many gifted people. And your thoughts about Steve Jobs are right on point. I agree with you about envy being one of the prime motives, and it is probably at the crux of the anti-intellectualism issue many of us talk about, too. Being gifted can be so overwhelming which is why I keep speaking out about it and hoping my voice along with others can make some sort of difference, even if it is a small one. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and hang in there 🙂
Thank you for keeping up your blog. I hope that it can make even a small dent in the education system or awareness of the “gifted and talented” Some part of me is glad that I am gifted, but otherwise it really has been a challenge. It has resulted in my life being more than two decades of cold war in the school system and civil war with my family. Your husband and son have my sympathy.
I especially empathize with your son and his problems. The only thing that save me was in 6th-7th, and 9th through 11th grade I lucked into schools that had block scheduling and self-directed learning. I finally didn’t feel so confused by the bells and whistles and constant mockery from other students.
My greatest hope is that the internet and devices like the iPad, iPod Touch, and smart phones can finally bust up our antedeluvian education system. On the side I work on education reform (con brio if I may say so) and its possibilities.
I wouldn’t be writing this, or even having these viewpoints, except for the fact that I was approached by a local school to teach social studies. The head took me into his class to shadow him and another educator. As I watched them harangue a visibly bored student body, I thought, “What if I get up there and do this to another kid out there who’s like me?” After the tour I thanked them for the opportunity and never called back.
If I do go into teaching, I will follow Holt’s advice: a school should have no more than a hundred kids, optimally 15-20, with a curriculum that is whatever the student is interested in, vetted by the instructor.
In the end I don’t think gifted people are arrogant. The other gifted people and their families that I have met all seem to be battle-tested and hardened, roughed up but more than capable of meeting the world’s challenges.
“Life is a fair fight, but a terrible compromise”– GK Chesterton
Giftedness is a struggle for sure–some children come through it unscathed if they had the right education and support, and then some don’t if their education and community did not support them. It just shouldn’t be that way–a double-edged sword. Thanks again, Adam. Take care!
Thanks so much for your insight. This phrase of yours screams out to me, because it describes exactly how I have feel: “People say I’m hard to read, but I got tired of being made fun of for crying over stories I read and why people weren’t concerned over some injustice in Africa.” I was once advised to “say less than you know, but have more than you show,” and this was so disheartening. What’s the point of having something as valuable as higher knowledge and capability if you’re forced to suppress it?
This is so true and so well said, Celi. So many gifted folks I know are simply excited to talk about what they’re learning and would love to be intellectually challenged by someone else. The intention is not boasting but just sincere desire to share. And they often don’t realize that the people around them aren’t on the same cognitive level. I had a client whose professor told her “people don’t like a know-it-all.” She was devastated. She was just enthusiastic about the topic. So sad that even a college professor doesn’t get it. Thanks for writing and for all you do for gifted kids.
“She was just enthusiastic about the topic.” This is what I also find so true about gifted children including my own–they are just so excited and passionate about their current favorite topic, they just bubble over and it looks to everyone else like showing-off or being a know-it-all. My heart really aches for your client. What a disservice to such an intelligent person! Thank you, Paula, for sharing your thoughts, and THANK YOU for all that you do for gifted adults! I LOVE your blog <3
I completely get this. You know even as an adult I have a hard time coping with this. I am constantly contemplating on whether or not I should speak or answer someones question or join in on conversation. I keep my mouth shut most of the time because I know I often make eyes roll or gloss over. Even on social media, I’ve been told that I come with a lot of information. Its been rough. I’ve found I’ve been post happy lately because I’ve found my “tribe” and people actually get me! lol. I now have to refrain myself from seeming too intense and find a balance, lol. But finding others I connect with without being belittled or told I’m too much is refreshing and liberating.
And I completely get what you shared because it is a relief and a joy to find your tribe especially when we have something as complex as giftedness, that so many others don’t get, in common. We all bubble over with information when we find the people who get giftedness! Thank you, Nicole, and welcome to the tribe 🙂