Crushing Tall PoppiesBranding the Gifted
From their precocious first words, they were branded. At a very early age, the gifted are branded with the expectation of achievement.
“Oh my gosh, he’s so smart! He’s going to go far in life!”
“Wow, her vocabulary is so advanced. She’s going to breeze through school!”
Honor roll, straight A’s, Principal’s Award, valedictorian, Ivy League college, master’s degree, Ph.D. Everyone expected the gifted kid to excel, do great things, and undoubtedly be notably successful in life.
“He’s going to be famous one day!”
“I predict she will be a doctor, a scientist, a CEO, or our future president!”
Far too many gifted people feel the pain of that branding. It burns, and it scars, sometimes for life.
Gifted underachiever is a common term. Gifted students swell with shame when their grades are not what’s expected by teachers, parents, and others. Gifted adults who have not achieved the greatness others presumed they would feel like failures. The branding of gifted people indelibly shapes their lives, roping them with unrealistic expectations of achievement.
But, who gets to define what gifted people should achieve?
What do gifted people need to produce to “cash in”1 on their giftedness?
Who gets to decide if gifted people have met those widely held expectations?
When will gifted people be free of these unwarranted expectations?
I’ve been advocating for the gifted for nearly ten years. My overwhelming experience with gifted people—readers, followers, family, and friends—has been heartbreaking. I want to scream at the top of my lungs for everyone to stop pegging gifted people as superior and therefore undeniably destined for success. And yet another question: Who gets to determine what that success must be?
This is not a diatribe about the burdens of giftedness or an appeal for sympathy for struggling gifted children and adults. No, this is a call to action.
Until our educators and educational systems understand giftedness and stop defining it based on academic achievement, we need to advocate for gifted children in whatever way we can.
Until mental health professionals understand giftedness and the dangers of misdiagnosing gifted behaviors, we need to advocate for gifted people every chance we get.
Until family, friends, and society understand giftedness and stop branding the gifted with expectations of achievement and success, we need to further an understanding of giftedness through our advocacy.
This is a call to action, a plea to advocate. Whether you tell one neighbor about giftedness or launch your newly published book on giftedness to an international audience, your advocacy brings the world closer to understanding giftedness and curbs the branding.
We need giftedness understood.
1. Greg, Commenter, “NO! For the Last Time, NOT Every Child is Gifted!”, Crushing Tall Poppies, October 5, 2021
Further reading:
“When Giftedness Becomes a Burden”
Expectation, when appropriate, can encourage much and be constructive; however, it’s often negative or mis-aimed when it comes to giftedness.
Giftedness doesn’t guarantee a particular aptitude or personality type. The gifted, for well or ill, are (to paraphrase Rick in Casablanca about Captain Renault) just like anyone else only more so… if they’re let develop as everyone else (i.e., neurotypicals, “normies,” etc.) get to do.
Too often, expectation about the gifted aims to put the proverbial square peg in the round hole… and then engenders wonder about why gifted folk don’t do better without the realization that, perhaps, it could’ve been done better.
Yes, exactly! All of it!
It’s like having someone stand on your back then complain you can’t do pushups.
Yep, exactly!
Is there a way to see a list of all the comments I’ve ever posted on here? I’m trying to organise my thoughts for a discussion on the Third Factor forum, and they’re spread all over the place. 🙂
I don’t know, but I’ll look into that for you!
I don’t think so, but I am more than happy to copy and paste them into a document for you. Email me at crushingtallpoppies @ gmail.com and I’ll get those to you if you’d like. ~Celi
I’m starting to understand so much now and the biggest problem is how unrealistic everyone has been in our society especially schools and talking to other people every… single… time… it comes right back to being failed in schools just like i did, in fact i got zero support i was raised SO “normal” everyone they treats it like it doesn’t matter when it does… whether even i like it or not it affects how i think, perceive things, feel and the anxiety and imposter syndrome certainly does it’s REAL and it’s there whether other people like it or not.
Yes being smart isn’t everything we need to still work at it and we need persistence and determination we need to keep at it from all sides but we still need to take everything about us into account learning or doing anything is as much about our own psychology as it is about someone else’s and if a “neurotypical” person says they’ve never had any interesting or deeper thoughts that’s a lie… otherwise they wouldn’t go through their only existential crisis on a regular basis lol they worry more than we do😂we need to work around those things and figure out how to use it to our advantage not discard it like it’s wrong How else can we be happy with ourselves if we’re made to feel like a failure for it? we’re who we are face it lol. We need to be taught how to do that though like.. the right thought process to have not so many years wasted trying to figure it out until we just suddenly do on our own… time we could have used to do better things we don’t have forever.
From experience it’s just like they don’t want you to… they can still make money while giving us what we need but there isn’t even any teaching people to think realistically about things or even how to study for themselves at home, they want all the power Are we really going to pay them thousands just so sit there and wait to be given something to do? noo… we shouldn’t be fooled into that cos it’s being taken advantage of not knowing what they’ll give us to do, we should have control and a say over all aspects and even be able to pick how many subjects we do and it should all be deemed valid, for a long time nothing is valid if we don’t pay all 6 classes but… they have to stop making promises they can teach us anything too when they can’t without the right facilities.
The idea of 13 year olds and over also still sitting for 30 hours a week in classrooms is unrealistic and silly we can start taking responsibility for our own learning and so we should… we have to do our part but these days it’s SO controlled you can’t even do that… i can see that everyone is being affected right now cos they’re walking away with nothing but for the “Gifted” they defo shouldn’t be separated cos it’s really not that hard to give us more things to do at home if they should go to your school.
Why is it bothering anyone? it’s not… it’s like the idea of anyone progressing beyond anyone is wrong but trust me it ain’t “beyond” cos we still have to work at it but we’re just very avid and curious learners it’s our nature, there’s so much comparing but… there’s an intolerance for all kinds of different personalities in general, you don’t dare tell them what you’re doing outside of school cos they try to make it their business and ruin it… What kind of world do we want to have if they create such distrust? and it’s like “Don’t do it this way and your wrong” it’s so constricting that the only way we’ll be able to do things is outside of school so… What is the point of anyone being there for 6 hours/30 hours a week?, no real reason.
Even if i left Education 6 years ago now i still worry and care so much about it and i too want things to desperately change… we need the flexibility and room to breath no matter who we are or what our psychological makeup is and they need to start teaching people all the tools they need or face repercussions for not doing so or not properly, even companies are now struggling to find people with the right skills cos most ppl now lack them, What will we do in future if we don’t know anything?.
Hi Emma,
Sorry it took me so long to respond even while I approved your other messages——I wanted to make sure to give myself time to read your comment thoroughly. I agree with everything you said. Your insights and thoughts on how the world and educational systems treat gifted people are valid and true.
Change is slow and it will take all of us to keep speaking up and educating others on what it means to be gifted (and it doesn’t mean being smarter than or better than).
Your last paragraph says it all: what gifted people need is what all people need. Gifted people like all people need the tools, the support, the education and the latitude to be who we want to be and who we were meant to be. The world will benefit when every person, and every gifted person, is nurtured, educated and supported to reach their full potential, whatever that potential is, and to be happy——no judgement and no misguided expectations from others.
What will we do in the future if we don’t know anything? I don’t want to find out, and if we all raise our voices and speak up, maybe we can avoid the negative outcome of not knowing anything.
Emma, thank you for your deep insights and thought-provoking questions! And keep poking holes in what you believe is wrong and unfair! ~Celi
For my entire adulthood, I have struggled with my non-compliance with what society defines as success! I was always a gifted person, but if “gifted education” is
inadequate today, just imagine 50 years ago!! I have been a stay-at-home mom and “life-giver” since my first son was born almost thirty years ago. I am a college graduate with one year of graduate school at an Ivy League university and at first glance, I would definitely be considered a gifted under-achiever. Although I enjoyed the content I struggled desperately with the neuro-anatomy class in grad school. Because I couldn’t see myself in my chosen profession I left grad school, got married, and had two children. Both my kids are neuro-diverse. My number one parental challenge has been advocating for them in every arena and obtaining the appropriate medical and psychological treatment. I often thought, ” Wow, if professor so-and-so could see me know”. I have had to rely on the knowledge I gained from that neuro-anatomy class every step of the way!! Unfortunately, they do not hand out doctoral degrees in effective parenting, or my walls would be full! Both my kids are living productive and satisfying lives and that is my definition of success!! Who’s the under-achiever now!?
No underachiever here. None at all.
Congratulations on your tremendously successful parenting journey. Your story is the perfect example of why we should all question who gets to decide what success looks like! Your children are lucky to have such a confident, witty and intelligent mom! And I mean that sincerely <3
Thanks for chiming in about underachieving. ~Celi
YES! Thank you for speaking truth and advocating for the gifted. It’s definitely not a ‘one size fits all’ neat box like people try to make it. Each person is unique and beautifully created with differences to be celebrated.
You are so right, Kim! Each person is unique and differences should be celebrated! And gifted kids rarely fit into that box we call a classroom; most kids don’t. If only education could meet every child where they are and with what they need, whether it’s slowing down, repeating less, spending more time, backing up, skipping sections, or jumping ahead.
Thank you, Kim! ~Celi
It took me years of struggle, heartache and fighting to realize that my highly gifted youngest was not going to fit into the public school box we all kept trying to shove him into. Once I let go of grades and achievement I was able to enjoy the incredible, amazing person he is! He did some summer school but graduated on time, and struggled with the decision not to attend college because of societal expectations. He found a different path and at 19 has a 501k, higher salary than Dad, and is looking at buying his first house!
Thank you for sharing about your son! Your story gives me and all of us hope and encouragement. I wrote this article for all who struggle with those societal expectations.
I am sorry for your heartache, but I so admire you for your courage! It’s not easy for a gifted teen to go against what society expects of him, especially the expectation to go to college. Bravo to your son for choosing a different path and the one that is right for him!
Thanks for sharing your son’s success! ~Celi
I wouldn’t mind so much if it was a reciprocal exchange. If you got everying you needed, including an appropriate education, and things were expected of you in return. That kind of social contract is part of of Hermann Hesse’s novel The Glass Bead Game – a form of noblesse oblige. But instead those with the expectations don’t want to do anything different themselves, and you’re expected to succeed in their system.
So true——gifted people are “expected to succeed in their system.” And we all know our modern education system does little to provide gifted children the education they need to succeed (or meet those societal expectations).
Thank you, DY, for your insightful comment. You always have perceptive and thoughtful comments! ~Celi
Totally! it’s not fair, right or realistic, we can’t live up to expectations that are already setting us up for failure that’s not a fair game, i’ve seen with how people tried to do Video Call Classes too that 99.9% of schools and colleges didn’t change how they did things they just kept at it trying to force a bad curriculum onto the kids and then shouting at them when they started wandering off and getting bored and frustrated, and it’s like The Education System has all the power over what they give people all we do is just attend and sit down then wait… Why are we even paying thousand in college and unis for that? ridiculous a total con lol.
How is it right for teachers to force their jobs targets onto people of all ages too? it’s not and at this point they should be paying us for it lol cos that’s what it feels like is a full time job, i think teachers do have too many high expectations put on them too but not for the right reasons, it’s so much stuff they have to do that has no meaning but i think for 13 year olds and over it needs to start being Lecture style classes where it’s just 1 hour – 1 hour and a half and then we leave so then… they can leave too and have more time to do other stuff and learn for their jobs they could even teach 2 subjects if they’re up to it, we should be doing our part and taking equal responsibility for our own learning so if we can leave and are given the right instruction as to how to do our own research and find a good study method then a whole weight will be lifted off of all of us. It seems cos they’re given money per student though that’s the only reason they’re being kept there at this point but it’s not a good enough one.
Have you read Deschooling Society by Ivan Illich? I think you’d like it. 😉
Also, check out “A Nation Deceived”, The Templeton National Report on Acceleration.
Dear Celi,
how true! I have been working with gifted people of all ages for the past twenty years here in Germany and expirienced the same. Our ministers of education have established a program called “performance makes school” to help gifted pupils to achieve. Such a limitation!
If a child performes in the way that is expected and given by others, it will be seen as gifted. No chance for those who follow their inner voice of development…
To me it is the lack of suitable mirrors for the gifted that makes things worse sometimes. There has to be an answer to their inner voices from their social environment. Feeling seen and accepted is the most important aspect when it comes to growing up to become yourself.
There is still a lot left to do!
Best wishes from Hamburg, Germany
Cornelia
Hi Cornelia!
I love this —> “Feeling seen and accepted is the most important aspect when it comes to growing up to become yourself.” And it’s so true. Society and educational systems don’t understand giftedness enough to see the need for providing those mirrors.
Thank you for stopping by from Germany! ~Celi
So glad I read this!